I know when people give you a compliment you are supposed to say thank you, but some compliments, while I’m sure are SO well intended, just rub me the wrong way. I’ll start with my most recent example. I was running my young dog at a seminar and after the seminar when I was asked his age, I was told she looks so good followed by “you must train a lot” statements like this are nails on a chalkboard for me, and not just when directed at me, just in general. Again I know it was not meant with any harm but when I hear this I want to just share my schedule as proof that it would be impossible for me to train a lot with have a full time job, 2 side jobs, taking care of a house, taking care of myself, taking care of 5 dogs….yes those 7 hours that I say I sleep a night must be where I’m magically hiding all this training. The realty is we don’t know what we don’t know, so compliments that include statements that make assumptions about someone are really the general bucket to which I have grips. The same goes when someone calls someone so lucky for having a dog that seemingly looks so easy, but when people say these things they are disqualifying the idea that in real life that dog might have been the biggest struggle for that person to train and luck had zero to do with it. I think it would be great if we can get to a point where we compliment people without the assumptions layered in. You can just simply say “Your dog looks great at X”
And I should say, I WANT and am trying to build a space where dog spots is more positive and people are lifting up each other instead of breaking each other down. So I don’t want this to turn into something where you don’t know what to say so you will say nothing at all, I want this to be a point to think about. How can we compliment each other without fulling knowing the whole story so that we don’t diminish the work, struggles, sweat, etc. that went into that dog at this moment in time you happen to be seeing it. I’d love to hear some other ways we can lift each other up without the undertones that can really not be helpful.
